June Newsletter

Making Summer of 2009 a Memorable One !
Summer of 2009 is sure to pose many challenges for families in Houston’s Bay Area. For many of us in the Bay Area there are still reminders in our home of the damages form Hurricane Ike . We all have a bit of stress about Hurricane season. The emotional, physical and financial reminders are still looming . Children are aware of those reminders as well. As school ends, so does the consistency of routines and the daily disciplines that come with schedules. Be aware that without a focus, such as school, children will be looking to fill their time and expend extra energy. Combined with the fact that we are all preparing for the new hurricane season and dealing with an unpredictable economy, stress levels for everyone may increase as the summer progresses. Here are some tools that may be helpful:

Reevaluate resources this summer: It may not be possible to have the same kind of vacation that your family has enjoyed in past years. Include children in planning time together this summer. Perhaps a trip is not in the budget. “Stay-cations” are all the rage this year and we live in an area that a lot of great resources. Free concerts, story times, the ocean and free museum days are just a few options to take advantage of. Start a new family tradition. The most important factor is to ensure that children have time with the important adults in their lives. They may ask for lots of “ things” , but time together is what they will remember.

Keep the lines of communication open. Even though we are 9 months post Ike, some family members still need to talk about experiences of Hurricane Ike. Many children remain concerned about how their life and their world was impacted. With the end of school schedules, those voids may be more obvious to children. They may not understand that resources that were available last summer are not available this summer. If a child’s need to talk overwhelms an adult’s ability to hear, seek help from a skilled professional.

Make expectations clear to children. Despite the lack of a school schedule, a family routine can still provide structure. What do parents expect children to do during the day? Are there chores? Day Care? Camps? Hobbies? For example, if left to their own devises most teens will sleep til noon, eat and play video games till parents return home. If that is not ok, share your ideas with your child before he/she has the opportunity to disappoint your unstated expectations.
Take advantage of flexible work days. Every employer is aware that employees with children face challenges in the summers. That is not to say that employers should expect less from you, but perhaps calls to check in on children, an occasional lunch with them or flex time may be an option for part of the summer. It does not hurt to ask.

It is not a betrayal of your child to have fun while they are not in the home. For many divorced families summer means loss of a child in the home. Be aware of how that loss may be affecting you. Plan time to do thinks that you would not be able to do with a child in your home. Allowing yourself time to relax, enjoy and care for yourself in the absence of your child can prove to be very energizing for your relationship with your child.

Don’t play the game of “Spoil the Child” or “My child Loves Me More” It is in your child’s best interest to have two consistent loving parents. Especially in divorced families, parents play these games in an effort to make up for lost time. It is difficult to have children for short periods of time and the temptation is to spoil them in the summer and on weekend visits. Children need consistency, routine and parents that are focused on meeting the child’s needs, not the parent’s needs.

Summer provides the opportunity to break out of a routine and re-energize your family. Enjoy it!